


Convalescence

by cookies_x3



Series: Stony Bingo 2018 [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Civil War Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Kid Fic, M/M, Original Character(s), Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, STONY Bingo 2018, Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 22:02:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15672138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookies_x3/pseuds/cookies_x3
Summary: Steve tells Tony the truth about his parents' murder. The outcome isn't what either of them expected.





	Convalescence

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fill for the Stony Bingo Round 2 in 2018. I hope I did justice to the prompt 'Tension'.

The sun had already set when Tony climbs out of his lab to grab some dinner and look after his favorite super soldier. The latter had only been released from the hospital three weeks ago (an age, as Steve claimed repeatedly, almost too long to be remembered) and refused to be looked after for two and a half weeks. He is no child and not as gravely injured as everyone seemed to claim, Steve said whenever someone asked him how he is and if they could help somehow. Tony understood the wish to not be fussed about (though he isn't happy, he likes to fuss about his beloved husband), so he granted his husband the space he needs right now. After all, that's how he prefers it to heal alone as well.  
   
A month ago, Hydra had taken over SHIELD and had attempted to kill a rather big part of the world population. Steve had only barely been able to take them out and had almost paid with his life for that. There had been more luck involved than Tony felt comfortable with. He still blames himself for not ignoring Steve's direct wish to stay out of it all and flying down there to help him. None of this would have happened then.  
  
He is still worried about the blond man who had hurled himself up in their shared space, looking through all the files of SHIELD that had been released by Agent Romanov in the process of taking Hydra down. Tony knows which information he is looking for so desperately and why Steve wants to get back on his feet as fast as possible.  
  
Although, an injury that would demand Steve to stay in hospital for a week despite the super soldier serum, means he would not be able to go on the mission within the next month or two. If it would be up to Tony, the blond would stay out of these missions completely. Steve's wounds might have healed but he still needs to regain his mobility and especially flexibility. Two times a week a physiotherapist comes by to train with the super soldier.  
  
When Tony enters their apartment he isn't in the least surprised to find Steve on the sofa, hunched over what must be at least a thousand pieces of paper. Steve still claims he can't read and concentrate when working with computer screens so Jarvis printed it all out for him, all the information SHIELD or Hydra had been storing away. The only surprise is that James isn't around to snoop. He usually likes to take a look at all the information he isn't supposed to have.  
  
'Evening, sweet pea. Any luck on finding him?', he asks though, choosing to ignore the suspicious absence of their kids for the moment. They are probably up in their rooms, trying to find a new way of getting into trouble.  
  
Steve sighs deeply, looking up from his work. There are several stacks of paper put aside for closer inspection. 'No, not yet.', he admits, looking tired and like he is about to give up.  
  
'Don't worry, we'll find him. Jarvis is already scanning every available camera this side of Antarctica. If Barnes leaves his hiding place, we will know.', Tony reassures him as he had done for the past weeks. Ever since Steve found out that his presumed dead best friend isn't so dead after all, he had searched for him like mad. That Hydra had brain washed him seems to occasionally slip his notice. Nevertheless, this is important for Steve so Tony is willing to participate the best he can. 'Have you already had dinner?', he asks, already knowing the answer. The absence of dinner scents is suspicious, so maybe the kids had just had sandwiches. Nevertheless, Steve won't have eaten anything since lunch, being too soaked up in his little project.  
  
Steve shakes his head. Tony turns around to go into the kitchen to organize something for them and then go looking for the kids who must be starving for attention by now, when the blond calls him back. 'Wait.' He stands up from the sofa, the little stiffness in his legs not as quickly gone as usual. For a moment Tony wonders for exactly how long his husband had stayed in that exact position. 'I asked Clint to watch the children for tonight.'  
  
Tony frowns, walking back to the living room. 'What for? If you had needed help, you could have called me. Pep might have dumped a month worth of work on me but my family is a little bit more important.', he clarifies in case it hadn't been clear. Because of the extended vacation because of Steve's injury and the resulting need to take care of the family and his husband, Tony had let a lot of his work slide. But if that meant neglecting his family, he couldn't care less about his work.  
  
Steve sighs. 'I know. It's just.. I need to discuss something with you and, well, I am not sure they should see that.' He seems hesitant as if he doesn't know how to phrase this. Tony can feel his face fall. Steve doesn't really notice his reaction, being a little to busy looking at anything but Tony. Before he can ask though what Steve meant by that statement, the blond continues. 'It's about something I have found in the files. Something you should see.'  
  
Tony breathes a sigh of relief, turning around to face his husband completely again. The relief is very short lived. The blond looks tense so Tony's quip stays where it is. He is worried, that much is evident. As if his life depends on the information he is about to give Tony. The brunet swallows, all thoughts of food forgotten. 'What is it?', he wants to know, coming to stand closer to Steve, touching his arm lightly. He doesn't care about the insecurity that seeps into his voice. If he can't be vulnerable around his husband, then where can he?  
  
Steve takes a deep breath. The tension is making Tony sick. Somehow this is worse than waiting for Steve to come out of the surgery, worse than having to wait for him to wake up. The blond is suffering this time and Tony knows it. There are dark bags under his eyes, there is no way to deny the shine of tears in the blue orbs. Tony steps closer, resting a palm on Steve's cheek, trying to comfort him with just his presence.  
  
'Whatever it is, we can work it out.', Tony promises when he traces the circles under Steve's eyes. When was the last time the soldier had a decent night's sleep? He had had a lot of nightmares lately and had always left bed before sunrise as far as Tony can tell.  
  
A disbelieving laugh is all the answer he gets for some seconds. It startles him but Steve reaches for the hand on his face, holding it right there. 'I do hope so.', he says then, as serious as he had been before. He pulls Tony into a close hug, not caring about his own injuries which probably still hurt. It seems to last forever, Tony just hangs on, not sure what this is all about but suspecting the very worst. When Steve pulls back he looks deep into Tony's eyes like he sees him for the first time in his life. It feels something akin to a farewell. 'Sit down.', Steve says eventually, pointing at the sofa. He lets go of Tony to retrieve some of the documents that rest at the side of his day's work.  
  
Silently Tony sits down, preparing himself for the worst, yet he has no idea what this is about. It's not about Barnes, that much he is sure of. Steve wouldn't be so cryptic about it then. It wouldn't feel so final. This is personal. Whatever he had found must have something to do with the inventor or their kids.  
  
Steve seems hesitant, at least a little. He sits down next to Tony though without touching him. Tony doesn't want any space between them right now and reaches over to rest his hand on Steve's. The blond looks at him with sad eyes.  
  
'I have been going through all these mission reports.' His whole muscles are working as if he expects an attack. Not even before a fight Steve is this tense. It worries Tony more than the next words. 'This one is very unspecific and it wouldn't have caught my attention if it wouldn't have been for the date.'  
  
Steve extracts his hand to rifle through the papers to show Tony what he is talking about. The inventor feels lost without his touch, bereft of it. Finally Steve pulls out a very thin folder and hands it to Tony. All hesitation is gone now, the Captain had surfaced. It's just another mission debrief, information that need to be conveyed, no matter how painful they are.  
  
Tony takes the folder, not taking his eyes off Steve for a second. When the blond indicates him to open it, Tony finally breaks eye contact and looks at the blinding white paper in front of him. It's a mission Hydra had assigned to their best asset, the Winter Soldier. Curiosity gets the better of him as to why Steve thought he would have to see this for himself, so he opens it. The typewriter font has started to fade but every word is still readable, it's a bad photocopy of the original. Tony skims the text. It's a translation of the original record, one Hydra had made probably after the information had reached the States. It's talking about two targets and a cargo that would need to be extracted. At the end it only reads that the mission was a success. There are no specifics, no details, nothing that would give Tony any hint why this is more important than any other mission of the Winter Soldier. Just two seemingly random murders.  
  
Then he looks at the top of the first page and his heart nearly stops.  
  
December, 16th, 1991.  
  
'Two targets.', he mumbles, continuing to stare at the page as if that would change the words written on them. His hands start trembling so he shuts the folder with more force than necessary. 'What's the meaning of this?', Tony asks through gritted teeth. He can't look at Steve, can't do anything but sit there and stare at the blank folder in front of him. It seems to mock him.  
  
Steve sighs. 'I wasn't sure but Jarvis investigated this a lot faster than either of us could. He found some old records of your father. They say he wanted to take his own version of the super soldier serum to Washington the week before Christmas 1991.' Steve rifles through his papers once more and pulls out some files, spreading them in front of Tony. 'Hydra later had that serum or at least one with a very similar working. Those are from February 1992.' Still in shock Tony opens the folders, taking in the pictures of several Hydra agents who seem to have been injected with a kind of super soldier serum. What happened to them the reports don't say. Steve explains his findings. However, Tony can't hear him over the rushing of blood in his ears.  
  
Barnes had killed his parents. And Steve would do anything to protect him. His Mom had to die just because she had wanted to go on the Bahamas.  
  
'I am so sorry.' It's the first thing that Steve says that reaches Tony's ears again. Why is he sorry? He has nothing to be sorry about. Not him, Tony thinks. Somehow it's difficult to form a coherent thought.  
  
'When did you find this?', Tony chokes out, trying to get his brain working again. It's not what is on his mind but it's the only question he can ask just about now. He can't even look at Steve, can't bring himself to look away from the evidence his husband presented him with. Dread curls in his stomach. Tony can't even admit to himself why it is there.  
  
Steve stays silent for some moments as if contemplating if he should hug Tony or not. 'This afternoon. I wanted to find everything there is before calling you.', he explains, his voice smaller than before. He is afraid of Tony's reaction and he might be right to be.  
  
Tony nods. The relief he had hoped for doesn't come. His heart breaks and he doesn't even know why. His parents had died more than twenty years ago, it's not as if he is still grieving.  
  
Why did Steve tell him this?, one part of his brain questions while the other rejoices that he did. This information in the hands of the wrong person at the wrong time could have horrible consequences. Nevertheless, it doesn't change a thing. His husband is trying to protect the murderer of Tony's parents.  
  
Anger wells up in Tony, anger about finding out, anger at his father for ever creating that stupid serum, anger at Steve for telling him this horrible truth. Anger at Barnes for killing his mother. The last one is burning with an intensity Tony isn't used to. For more than twenty years he had believed a tragic accident took his beloved mother from him, now it turns out it was Steve's bestie. This is just fantastic. How the ever-loving hell can this be his life?  
  
'Tony?' Steve seems to know what his prolonged silence means. There is a hand on his face, turning it away from the pictures of the Hydra soldiers to look at his husband. He draws back as if Tony's skin burned him suddenly. He must see the rage and fury in the brown eyes.  
  
Tony just stares at him, waiting for the inevitable. He knows Steve's next words before he can even utter them. That doesn't take away their sting however.  
  
'It's not his fault.', Steve says, trying to calm him. And Tony can see how torn he is inside. Oh, yes, he can see it. He wants to be there for Tony but at the same time feels responsible for his best friend. It just makes him angrier. It's just the story of his life. There is always someone more important than him.  
  
'He murdered my parents. How can you defend that?' Tony is surprised that he is not yelling. His voice is seeping with rage though. Steve flinches slightly. He jumps up from his seat because he can't look at Steve any moment longer. His hands curl into fists. He shakes with fury as he starts pacing.  
  
Either Steve doesn't see the warning signs or he chooses to ignore them. 'He was brainwashed, Tony. He didn't do it.' It sounds pleading. It makes Tony sick. 'It was Hydra. They killed your parents,' The words sting more than they have any right to, 'they created those soldiers who might run around right now and kill others. It's all on them, not on Bucky. He would have never-'  
  
Tony raises a hand to shut him up. He can't take Steve's defense speech anymore. It's so typical of Steve to try to make Tony see sense even in a situation like this. 'But he did. He killed them. Don't even try to deny that.', he hisses, glaring at Steve. He is supposed to be on Tony's side. Not that there is much choice on which side anyone should be. Who would ever be on the side of a notorious mass murderer? Answer: Steven Grant Rogers, if just a part of him believed that an injustice had been done to said notorious mass murderer.  
  
'Bucky didn't have a choice. Try to understand that. He wasn't himself, he still isn't.', Steve continues as if Tony hadn't said a word.  
  
Something snaps inside the inventor. 'He killed my parents, stop defending him!', he yells across the room.  
  
Steve looks hurt and disappointed. 'Tony, you're being unfair.'  
  
'I am being unfair?! I?! Who made me an orphan? Huh?', he demands to know. 'You tell me my parents were murdered by your best friend and tell me to not freak out because of that?' How can he be so naive? The guilt is written clearly all over Steve's face that this is exactly what the blond had hoped for.  
  
'It was you who told me that it's not his fault and he needs help.', he reminds him, taking a step closer to the brunet.  
  
Yeah, Tony thinks, that was before. 'I can't help the killer of my mother. Not even for you. And you can't expect that from me.' He takes a few steps back to get some distance between them, fearing what he might do if Steve came too close.  
  
He is apprehensive. This is obviously not how he imagined Tony reacting to this outrageous news. Maybe he had thought he would have to console Tony, maybe talk some sense into him. But obviously he wasn't prepared for pure rage. 'Tony..', he tries in a calmer tone, reminding himself to stay calm and not get into a fight over this.  
  
Tony shakes his head. 'No, screw you.' With that he turns around and is on his way to the elevator. This is certainly not how he had pictured the evening. He can't continue this conversation, not now anyway and he doubts he would ever want to have it.  
  
'Where are you going?', Steve asks stupefied.  
  
Tony doesn't even turn around. 'There is still a lot of work I need to get finished.', he grumbles.  
  
Steve sighs, knowing it's useless to run after him. Tony flees into his workshop, locking the door behind him with a strict instruction to Jarvis to not let anyone inside, not even with a security overwrite. His brain is too full, too many thoughts circle around him and threaten to suffocate the inventor. He is shaking, can't get a grip on the reaction. Within seconds hard rock fills the whole room, louder than normal but not loud enough. Just then Tony allows the tears to fall.  
  
XXXXX  
  
By the time the new day begins Tony emerges from the lab. It's been a long night and more than one fused wiring can tell the tale of a very distracted and upset Tony. Dum-E will probably refuse to talk to him for a week or so the way Tony yelled at him. The inventor already feels horrible because of it, not that he could have changed his behavior. The whole talk with Steve had upset him to no end. It's a fortunate thing that there had been no booze around the Tower for years. It had taken all he had to not track down Barnes immediately and kill him.  
  
It's a strange thing to be contemplating, especially since Tony is a hero. He had never thought about killing anyone, not Obadiah for putting him through Afghanistan, not Loki for forcing him to go into space and almost dying there, not Killian for endangering Pepper's life. Not even Rumlow for almost getting his husband killed. It's new and frightening and Tony can't fight this. He wants to see Barnes dead for killing his mother.  
  
As unfair as it might seem, he doesn't care for his father's death. He hadn't loved Howard the way he had loved his mother. He was glad to be rid of him. Hadn't the death of his mother overshadowed these days, he probably would have thrown a party.  
  
As it had been there were a lot of parties, a lot of alcohol, a lot of women and men involved to get past the initial phase of grief. A lot of the months following his mother's death are a haze. He barely remembers any of it.  
  
'Jarvis, tell Steve I'll pick up the kids.', he says after having showered downstairs and getting dressed in the spare clothes he keeps down there for situations similar to these. He doesn't want to go upstairs to continue their fight so instead, he heads downstairs to the garage to get one of his cars and drive to Clint's. It wouldn't take longer to call Steve but the truth is, he simply doesn't want to talk to him right now.  
  
'Captain Rogers asks if he should join you.', the AI answers not even thirty seconds later. At least Steve seems to have gotten the message.  
  
'Nope.'  
  
Without further commenting on that Tony enters the garage and walks to the back to one of his rather inconspicuous cars. His phone starts beeping when he gets into it and turns on the ignition. Tony pulls it out of his pocket to look who it is. Steve's face show up on the display, a photo taken on their anniversary last year. The smile is mocking him now. For a moment he thinks about just not answering but that's not how fighting with Steve works.  
  
With a sigh he answers his phone. 'Hey, I'm just on my way to pick up our kids.', he says as bright as possible, just wanting to hang up again, clearly indicating to Steve that he doesn't wish to speak about yesterday.  
  
'I think we should talk first. Listen, about yesterday... That really worked out badly.', Steve starts immediately, ignoring Tony's silent wish for more time.  
  
'Oh, really? How exactly did you think I would react to the message that your psychotic friend murdered my parents and you taking his side?', Tony asks, already feeling himself get worked up again.  
  
'I didn't take his side, Tony. I just want you to see it, that's all. I will always be there for you.', Steve says and it sounds sad beyond words.  
  
'It doesn't feel like it.', he complains, cutting the engine again. It's never a good idea to drive and fight. Contrary to popular belief, Tony has very good self-preservation instincts. One of them will just start yelling sooner or later.  
  
His super soldier hearing must have picked up on that. 'Tony, please come up so we can talk about this.'  
  
Tony crosses his arms. 'What are we supposed to talk about exactly?'  
  
There is a deep sigh on the other end of the line. 'We both made mistakes last night..'  
  
his eyebrows almost reach his hairline. 'What? We both made mistakes? What the actual fuck, Steve?', he asks. 'It's now my fault for blaming Barnes? Are you out of your fucking mind?!'  
  
Steve most definitely flinches. 'Okay, I might not have phrased that well. Can you just come up so we can talk in person?', he inquires softly.  
  
He shakes his head, forcing his voice to stay quiet. 'I gotta go now, kids won't pick themselves up.' Tony hangs up on him a second later, hitting his hands against the steering wheel in frustration. Damn him.  
  
He is still fuming by the time he reaches Clint's farm house, a good hour's drive from the Tower. Mistakes! How does he even dare? Tony gets out of the car and knocks on the door. It sounds impatient even to himself. After some moments Clint opens the door. He is in clothes which suggest that he was about to work in the garden or fix something outside. In the background Tony can hear the kids playing somewhere and Laura sending them out of the kitchen.  
  
'You're early.', Barton greets him, a cheeky smile on his face. 'Already done with your evening alone?' He suggestively wriggles his eyebrows. 'Not that I want details.', he assures, stepping aside to let Tony aside.  
  
'I am really not in the mood, Legolas.', Tony grumbles, stepping inside though he doesn't really want to. He would like to get back on the road in an instance. Driving is easier than stopping and having to face reality.  
  
'Uh uh. Trouble in paradise? Those are details that I want, Stark.' Clint is now grinning like a giddy three year old, Tony's glare doesn't do a freaking thing about that. 'This is no way to treat me after asking us to watch your children.', he chastises him though his wide grin is ruining that for Barton.  
  
Tony glares at the archer one last time, then walks past him into the kitchen where Laura stands, already busy with preparing lunch.  
  
'Morning, Laura.', he says as calmly as he can. Trying to get his emotions under control is a lost cause, however, he can't face the kids like this. The woman in question smiles across her shoulder but doesn't turn from her chopping.  
  
'Good morning, Tony.', she says. 'Rough night?' Tony wonders what she means but when he sees his reflection in the window, he understands her concerns. There are deep shadows underneath his eyes, a sure sign that he hadn't had much rest. He looks exactly how he feels.  
  
'Something like that.', he mutters. Tony hadn't wanted to talk to Barton about this matter, neither does he wish to discuss it with his wife. She would just say he overreacted. Or worse, try to console him. That's not something the inventor wants to deal with right now. He just wants to grab his kids and go. Where to though, he doesn't know yet.  
  
'They are in the garden, playing.', Laura says as if she can read his thoughts. Tony nods and heads off to the the living room.  
  
'If you want to talk though, you know where to find me.' Tony stops and looks back at Laura's back.  
  
'Thanks.', he says, appreciating the offer and that she doesn't pry any more on his problems and accept that he won't talk.  
  
'Dad!' Tony turns around to the source of the exclamation. The short, dark haired, boy comes running from the garden behind the house, letting go of the ball he had been holding. James is five and will be going to school next year, together with Lila, Barton's daughter. Steve and he had adopted James when he was little more than two weeks old. Pepper had organized the whole adoption from scratch on, Laura had helped especially in the first months. Tony still remembers how important that first moment had felt, when he had held James in his arms. He had been tiny, is still rather small for his age.  
  
Maria had come two years later. They are Tony's pride and joy. He wouldn't want to miss a single second with them. He can hear her play outside with Lila, she probably hadn't heard her brother shout. They are quite opposites. She loves to do science with her Daddy, James loves to go to art galleries with his Papa. Maria had already decided that she wants to become a bio engineer, if just because she found out that there are no real life unicorns. Tony couldn't be prouder.  
  
They had named their kids after dear people whom they had lost, or rather presumably lost. It's especially bitter now but Tony forces his own feelings down for the moment. With a smile he picks up his son who had crossed the distance. 'Where's Papa?', he asks after the hug.  
  
'I told him to stay home.', Tony says, not sure why he opts for the truth. He knows exactly how inquiring his son is, after all.  
  
James frowns, looking back at Tony. He had scanned the room as if he didn't quite believe him. 'Why?'  
  
Tony strokes the brown hair back before setting him down on the ground. 'He still needs a lot of rest.', Tony evades just when the girls enter the living room, probably to get some refreshments.  
  
Half an hour later they are back on the street but not before thanking Laura and Clint for watching the kids for the night. He wouldn't have had a mind for watching them last night.  
  
It's already afternoon before Tony brings the kids back to the Tower, after having went with them to lunch and some carnival. He knows Jarvis informed Steve of their return, the shadow looming near the kitchen when getting out of the elevator is just the last hint.  
  
'I don't want to talk about that, Steve.', Tony cuts him off before he can even start talking. James and Maria exit the elevator after him giving their parents a strange look.  
  
Steve closes his mouth again, instead turns to their kids to greet them. It's better like that. Maria is a little too tired to fully take in what just happened but Tony knows it won't have been the last he heard about this from James. The next few days sneak past them all, they seem to last an eternity. Tony feels like the hours refuse to pass. The kids refuse to play around them anymore, they quietly watch them as if one of their parents might explode any second. Maria is even more moody and James spends more time on his own than is normal. It's not healthy but the family falls into this very awkward routine.  
  
It's approximately two weeks after the whole fiasco when Tony takes his son to bed that the boy makes his move. Tony had just read him his bedtime story and gave him a goodnight kiss, he is just about to turn off the light when James calls him back.  
  
'Dad?'  
  
'Yes?' Tony stops in the doorway to look at his son, a soft smile on his face.  
  
'What happened between you and Papa?', James asks suddenly, startling Tony. Of course he had noticed the tension in the house, had noticed it right from the beginning. It's a surprise it comes so late. 'For some days you have been, well, weird.', he tries to explain, pulling his blanket further up.  
  
Tony takes some time to answer. 'It's complicated.', is the answer he eventually settles for.  
  
The boy chews on his bottom lip. 'Are you getting a divorce like Peter's parents?'  
  
Tony stumbles against the doorway in shock. 'What? No. No. No, no, no. No divorce.' It sounds like he wants to convince both of them. He goes back to James' bed and sits down next to the kid, stroking his hair. 'Listen, you're Papa and I had a disagreement, but that doesn't mean that we will get a divorce.', he clarifies again, just to make sure James understood him. He pulls the blanket down by a fraction.  
  
'So you still love him? You seem to be mad at him.' James tilts his head at him.  
  
Tony sighs. 'Just because I am mad at him, doesn't mean I don't love him.', he explains the kid. 'I love your Papa very much. I'm just a little angry at him at the moment.' Tony isn't sure if James understands it but he nods.  
  
'Can't he say he is sorry and you forgive him?', James wants to know.  
  
Tony smiles ruefully. He doesn't want to lie to his son, not even about something like this. He's too clever to be fooled anyway. 'It's not quite that easy.' When James looks up at him with inquisitive eyes, Tony smiles and ruffles his hair. 'I promise, I'll talk to him.'  
  
XXXXX  
  
They still don't talk about it. Actually, none of them even brings it up. It gets a little better after Tony's talk with James because apparently their son had the same talk with Steve. They are talking again to each other, at least about normal, everyday stuff. Non-dangerous stuff.  
  
Tony hasn't forgotten about his parents and neither will he anytime soon. Steve knows that as well so he lets him be in his anger and resentment. He is neither going to stand down and give up on Bucky.  
  
It's the unspoken rule of the household to not bring up anything related to Tony's parents or Steve's friend. There is no real fight about it, just an underlying anger at the other for not understanding.  
  
Tony had gone through all the files himself, had looked for hints and snips that might be related to his parents' death and had come up with not much. Apparently those other soldiers had been trained in a secret facility somewhere in Russia, then Barnes had been wiped, again and again and again. He wouldn't remember killing Howard and Maria if he tried. Somehow that makes Tony even more angry at him.  
  
Nevertheless, the rational part of his brain knows it wasn't his fault, hell, but there is no one else alive whom he can blame. It still feels like Steve chose Bucky over him and that is what hurts the most. Repeatedly Steve had reassured him that he and the kids came first, each time just before they were falling asleep, on opposite sides of the bed now instead of in each others arms.  
  
There is just that part of Tony who, after all this time, doubts his husband. It's insane, it's unhealthy. He should bury the past and let it be, especially since it can't be changed anymore.  
  
He can't speak about it, not to Steve. This is strange since it's a first about what they can't talk about it.  
  
It weighs heavy on the kids as well. Maria doesn't ask a lot of questions any more, she and James look like they're afraid they might set up this shaky balance.  
  
XXXXX  
  
Tony can't sleep. As much as he tries, he just can't fall asleep. His brain refuses to cooperate, his thoughts race and he can't simply shut them off. Usually after a whole day of working for the benefit of his company, dealing with the kids and then doing some work for the Avengers, Tony falls into bed and is gone to the land of sleep within seconds if he happens to find his way into bed.  
  
And he knows exactly what had changed.  
  
Tony lies on his left side in the king-size bed in the penthouse of the Tower. He opens his eyes, giving up on falling asleep like this. It won't work anyway.  
  
Steve lies right behind his back, his breath light and deep. So close and yet so far away. He isn't fooling Tony for a second. The blond lies awake each night for at least as long as Tony. The shadows under his eyes had become permanent. His convalescence had gone well, as well as could be expected. Despite his rigorous training though, Steve doesn't seem to find sleep either.  
  
Still, this arrangement had been made between them in the very beginning of their relationship. No matter how bad the fighting between them gets, they are sleeping in the same bed, no hiding behind a punching bag or Dum-E in the middle of the night. It's just never lasted that long.  
  
This had been going on for weeks, it had started the evening after Steve's revelation. It's insane. Maybe nothing is forgotten and maybe not all forgiven but Tony definitely wants his husband back.  
  
Steve's only reason for not having made a move yet to end their fight, is that he wants to grant Tony the space he needs. And he thinks Tony needs a lot more space than the inventor is comfortable with. First Tony had appreciated it but it's not what he needs anymore.  
  
With a sigh Tony lets go of the blanket around which he had curled (a very insufficient replacement of his super soldier) and turns around to his husband. Steve turns his head to see if he would get up like he had so many of the past nights but Tony doesn't think of going down to the lab to spend his night with Dum-E and Jarvis. They are not whom he wants.  
  
Tony moves closer to his husband and snuggles into his side, not wanting any of them to lose a word about this. For a moment Steve freezes, then relaxes when Tony wraps around him. Steve wiggles his arm free and wraps it around Tony, pulling him even closer.  
  
Tony hides his face against his chest, breathes in the familiar scent. Already he can feel the sleep pulling at his eyelids. The familiar pose lulls him to sleep faster than he would have thought possible. It could be the lack of sleep that had accumulated in the last weeks.  
  
Steve relaxes fully into the pose, pressing a kiss to Tony's temple, a silent thank you. A smile forms on the inventor's face. The silence hangs in the room for a long time because none of them wants to break this connection.  
  
'It's been a long time, darling.', Steve eventually says quietly.  
  
He closes his eyes, enjoying the warmth and solidity of Steve next to him. 'I know.', Tony whispers.  
  
'I-' Steve stops, unsure how to continue.  
  
Tony huffs out a laugh. 'Me too. This is crazy. I just want our life back.' He can feel Steve nodding above him.  
  
'I want you back but I don't know how to do that.', Steve admits. He hugs Tony close as if afraid to lose him. Tony hugs him right back, feeling equally relieved and afraid. 'And-'  
  
'And you want to help Barnes, I know.' It's the first time Tony even acknowledges what their fight had been about. It doesn't feel as bad as he thought it would. 'I understand. God knows, if it would be Rhodey.. But I can't..' Tony sighs.  
  
Steve pulls him closer, as if that would still be possible. 'I know you can't help me find him, I don't expect that. But I gotta try. Please understand that. That doesn't mean I don't know how much pain he has caused you. But I owe my life to him, the least I can do is try to repay that.' There is a long pause in which he waits for Tony's reply. 'Okay?'  
  
Tony's thoughts come to a standstill and despite the very comfortable position he feels wide awake for a moment. Then his mind quiets down. He hesitates, pushing his face closer to Steve's chest. Finally he nods once.  
  
'I love you, Tony Stark.' With a sigh Steve settles into his sleeping position.  
  
The silence hangs in the room for a moment too long before Tony says:, 'I love you too.'  
  
But alas, the arm around him tightens a little, a sure enough sign that his husband had heard him and ignores the little delay.  
  
It's not peace, but a truce. Tony has worked with worse.  
  
XXXXX  
  
Life goes mostly back to normal after this, even the kids can feel the relieved tension in the air. They watch their parents with barely disguised skepticism during the first days.  
  
Tony can't keep his smile inside, a grin threatens to overtake his face at all times. James eyes them strangely, Maria merely munches happily on her breakfast, glad that everything in her universe seems to be in order again. A few months later their fight would be almost forgotten if it wouldn't be for a small detail.  
  
It's not the first time Tony had noticed the man in black but it's the first time he is up so close. He has Jarvis monitor each and every place he visits with the kids, has him scanning for potential threats all around the city and has facial recognition software on his contact lenses. No one can sneak up on him, not after everything he's been through.  
  
The man with the big baggy black jacket, the dark cap and the black jeans and boots has been following them all the way from the bakery to the playground. This is no chance meeting though, Tony had seen him too often and in too many different places for this to be a coincidence. Tony Stark knows when he is being followed.  
  
He sits on a bench but doesn't come any closer. It's better like this. One of the other parents might get a fit and call the police to arrest him as a threat for their children.  
  
Which he is, no doubt about that. Despite that, Tony finds barely anything apart from sympathy inside him for the man who killed his parents. Barnes is good at hiding his face but rumor has it, Tony is no fool. He had recognized him from the very beginning. It must have been a month after his reconciliation with Steve when Tony had seen the man for the first time, hovering in the background, never too close.  
  
Steve hadn't seen him around yet when he went out with or without the kids or at least hadn't told Tony about it, maybe to not provoke another fight, though Tony doubts it. The blond is looking all over the world for his lost friend and still hadn't found him right outside of his doorway. He wouldn't go through all this trouble with Romanov if he'd knew that Barnes is in New York.  
  
Barnes knows Tony saw him ages ago, making him briefly wonder how long he had actually followed them. He is like their personal shadow.  
  
First he had been livid to find out that the murderer of his parents is non other than Steve's best buddy from WWII. That he was or is being brainwashed barely mattered. Why would it? He lives, they are dead, period.  
  
Tony sighs and returns her attention to James and Maria on the swing. Barnes just wants to see Steve's kids, nothing special about that. At least that's what Tony guesses. After all, Steve had told him about them right before the Winter Soldier threw him into the Potomac.  
  
It's not Barnes' fault what happened back there. Tony had resigned to hold on a grudge. The soldier probably doesn't even remember. He had had a brief thought of scaring him away when he saw him that very first time on the way to the kindergarten. That stream of thoughts had vanished pretty quickly though. Tony doesn't exactly know why or how it happened, but being angry at an unknown figure was far easier than being faced with the target of that hate, especially since that target looks so worn and generally down at heel.  
  
He hadn't told Steve about their shadow either. If Barnes would want to get in contact with Steve, he would have already done so ages ago. Steve would press him too much anyway. The blond wants the person known for decades as the Winter Soldier to be his Bucky again, something Tony knows is impossible.  
  
Out of the corner of his eye he can see Barnes standing up from his silent vigil, then he is gone from his field of vision. He is checking out Tony's reaction, that much is clear, to he how close he can get without the inventor freaking out.  
  
Tony wonders where their shadow sleeps as a known fugitive with a metal arm on top of that. After a while he gets his kids and heads back for the car. On the way home he sees a lone figure on the sidewalk, hands deep in the pockets, heading as fast as he can for the subway.  
  
Tony stops the car next to their shadow. Barnes freezes and doesn't look his way but he doesn't run either so he'll take that as a good sign. At least he had stopped, so he probably recognized the car without directly looking their way. He winds down the car window.  
  
'If you ever need something you can come with me. I won't tell Steve.', he says, not looking at Barnes either. It's not without difficulty that Tony speaks as lighthearted as he does.  
  
For a long time none of them moves. Then Barnes nods once, looking at Tony out of the corner of his eye.  
  
Tony swallows when the first drops of rain hit his windshield. It doesn't take him long to reach a decision. 'You want to come with us?', he asks. Barnes hesitates. 'You can go whenever you want.', Tony adds, knowing that he wouldn't get in otherwise. The man in black contemplates the offer. Finally he nods again. Tony pushes the passenger door open, waiting for Barnes to get into the car. James and Maria watch the stranger closely while he climbs into the car, not yet sure about him. Tony restarts the engine after giving them an encouraging smile. It'll be alright.  



End file.
